Vaaaaampire Monkey Christ

For whatever reason, that’s always the pronunciation I hear in my head when I look at this thing.

In the early Middle Ages, status was gained almost exclusively through combat. As such, it they were going to hold up a figure like, say, Jesus Christ, being a pacifist really didn’t make a lot of sense to them. As such, they commonly portrayed Jesus not as a mild mannered preacher surrounded by children but as a fierce warrior defending humanity from the forces of evil.

They don’t, however, generally depict him as a fanged monkey.

Vampire Monkey Christ

Vampire Monkey Christ: The Most Bad-Ass Jesus Ever

This image from a 7th century Merovingian belt buckle brought so much glee to a couple people that they Christened it “Vampire Monkey Christ.”

They then proceeded to create a Facebook page for it.  They also show all sorts of almost equally weird things from the middle ages.

What the Hell?

This is Jesus at the apocalypse.  He is riding into battle as any leader should, sporting an axe and a spear because, you know, going into battle without them would just be plain silly.  And just to make sure everyone understands how manly this guy is, they’ve made very, very sure everyone knows this horse is a stallion of…uh…heroic proportions.

And that thing in the upper right corner?  All we can guess is that it’s the little known apocalyptic character known as the centipede of the apocalypse.

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